A love drug is any substance or medication that can have an effect on the emotions associated with a romantic relationship. I sat down with Brian Earp, an ethicist from Yale and Oxford, to discuss his book Love Drugs: The Chemical Future of Relationships. We talked about how various substances have been used in different settings to influence relationship outcomes.
Love means something different to each person. Given its complexity as a human emotion, I won’t attempt to provide a single definition here.
Some people view love through a romantic “happily ever after” lens – the Hollywood ideal. These people might describe love as something that occurs naturally, requiring no effort. Such individuals would likely resist the idea that pharmaceuticals could or should influence love. If love is an indescribable, idealistic phenomenon, why would it need chemical assistance?
However, a more pragmatic perspective offers a different insight. Love fundamentally involves emotions, thoughts, and feelings – all of which fluctuate based on our biological state. Brain imaging reveals changes in activity and blood flow during romantic experiences. When you view love as a complex interaction between hormones, neurotransmitters, and other biological processes, the idea of influencing those factors becomes a lot less surprising.
Drugs not only can influence romantic feelings, but already do. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), the most common medications for depression and anxiety, carry a lesser-known side effect: emotional numbing and reduced empathy.
These side effects can have a significant impact on relationships. Yet because they remain rarely discussed, patients may not recognize the connection and might misinterpret these emotional changes. Greater awareness of SSRIs’ side effects could help patients identify their medication’s impact on their relationships and address it with their partners.
Evidence suggests certain substances can support relationship counselling to help rekindle romance or deepen connection. MDMA enhances empathy and connection, and has been trialed in couples therapy as a way to potentially strengthen those sessions.
Oxytocin, a naturally occurring hormone that’s also used medicinally in Western medicine, influences attraction. Multiple studies have examined whether administering oxytocin nasally increases feelings of attraction and helps with romance.
A 2018 study by Brunet and colleagues found that propranolol might help people recover from difficult breakups. Though traditionally used for cardiac conditions, propranolol could potentially ease the pain of a relationship’s dissolution – one of life’s most challenging experiences.
Some argue these difficult experiences build inner strength and character. But perhaps there’s a threshold beyond which heartache no longer serves personal growth and only causes suffering.
Anti-love drugs could prove equally valuable. Consider someone in an abusive relationship who repeatedly returns despite knowing it’s unhealthy – they cannot eliminate their attraction, and so the pattern repeats. What if a medication could halt that attraction and break the cycle? Researchers have investigated exactly this kind of question.
The effects of love drugs already exist. It’s naïve to assume that an ingested substance achieves only one result – it affects numerous physiological processes, including the emotions that contribute to our relationships. Recognizing the relationship effects of these substances validates people’s experiences and can lead to better communication between partners.
Research will continue to explore how the proactive use of substances might positively affect our relationships. Whether you agree with this direction is a personal matter, but the conversation might just expand your understanding of what love means and how it factors into a meaningful relationship.